Van :)

mass food poisoning

wellwell, how does it feel to have a house of people throwing up? haha. ask me. today i came home from school to find my sis lying on the sofa, pale and sick. so we all went to the doctor. My mom felt sick too. so when we reached there, my sis looked terrible but my mom looked alright. then suddenly my mom rushed to a drain and started puking.. alot. then when she finished, i brought her to the toilet to clean up. then when i came out, i saw my sis lying on the sofa for patients. then i found out she puked right after my mom. so the doctor gave my sis a lil jab, and gave both of them some medication. when we came back home, my mom vomitted again. then i helped change the plastic bag and everything. cuz my dad is overseas, i have to wake up every two hours to check on them lol. i might fall asleep during training tomorrow. haha just kidding. sigh.. wad bug is there?? =\. and dad, dont worry. i'll take care of them =)
Love, vanx

van 12:09 AM

just came back from shooting camp =). it was kinda fun, in fact, it made me realise i dun want my team any other way. i lurve u guys! the camp was fun, though the first day was SUPER cold and didnt really sleep well, but after training and swimming during the second day i was super tired so i fell asleep anyway. hahaz, it was fun. =). after we break camp yesterday, i went out with mum, sis and auntie winnie to marina mandarin to listen to music. it was kinda cool =). but i was too tired after the training camp so i fell asleep halfway. =).
It's been long since i felt happy. This camp was like a refreshing drink after a long run. it rejuvenated me, made me feel the happiness and freedom i never felt in a long time. and today, i received a call =). i'm a happy girl now. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY EUNICE!
The song u're hearing in the background is ming tian guo hou by wu ke qun =). He sang it to me just now. lol. =).
missya

van 7:14 PM

let you be my dream, a sweet sweet one

I’m a whirlpool of confusion, sadness and happiness. The feelings contradict each other to an extent I look in the mirror and can no longer recognize myself. Who IS this girl staring back at me? Why does she look so strong, when I’m hurting inside? Inside that cold hard exterior is a little girl who wishes for time to turn back, for life to revolve around colored pencils, fifty-cent noodles and getting full marks for spelling. Hoping for life to be colorful, carefree and for the centre of her life to be her family. Yet, how is that even possible now?
Today my suspicions were confirmed. Just when I thought my heart was dead and can no longer be moved, my friend told me something. Something that made my heart feel like it’s sitting on a roller coaster ride, (preferably the one in the show “final destination 3”), where there is a possibility, rather, it is definite you’d get tossed into the air and smacked into an overhanging railing which will eventually pierce through your guts and spurt your blood everywhere. It’s just sooner or later. This whole painful process was summarized with five words, “They are together. It’s confirmed.” At that instant, I felt like taking out the key from my wallet and pleading my friend to stab me in the heart a hundred times with it, I’m sure it’d be less painful than how I was feeling then. But the pain slowly ebbed away as I sat alone on the bench we used to sit on. All the swallowed tears and postponed hurt came gushing out through that opened tear in my heart.
I hope this is the end. I hope the grave I dug to bury my feelings for you tonight will not be uncovered again.
And to you, I hope you’re not just an illusion, or a dream. But I’m scared to trust. In love, in guys, in you. Yet, I know you’re more than an illusion, because when I see you I feel this tiny fluttering of feelings starting to awaken. It holds new hopes I don’t know if I wish to have. For now, I’d just let this be a dream, a sweet sweet dream.
I’ll miss you on my camp too.

van 12:59 AM

hush, dont wake my heart up

there are certain times when i feel i still have emotions. that they arent just part of an illusion that plays around in my brain. but feelings that slowly and surely consume me whole. there are certain times when i feel a sudden fear building up inside of me, a terror that i cannot explain...like the dark clouds that gather in the sky, a warning of the approach of a storm. But fear? of what? staring at my blank ceiling for a few seconds, i finally realised what exactly it is i was afraid of.
After he left last month, i have locked my heart in a casket. broken, bruised and wrunged. i remembered the process of trying helplessly to heal. when tears just fall at random unexpected times. when the beautiful rusty cliffs of the nature park that we used to frequent seem nothing more than dark hills. a reminder that constantly mocked me of ur absence. i have tried to look up and trudge on, swallow back my tears and force a smile on my face. yet, i have not healed. i have merely locked my dying heart in a casket where no one can touch it, much less hurt it again.
My smiles are just chainlink fences i put up to stop people from asking questions. Nothing seems real anymore. i feel like i'm on a milky white snow plain, trees around me and the ice freezing my body. but i welcome the roaring pain before the numbness sets in. there is no one around me. just trees, snow and me. yet the emptiness and coldness seemed familiar. my brain feels numb and i cant even remember how you look like, when was your birthday, or small trivial things. all i can hear is your name echoing in my brain. yet thankfully, there was no pain in my locked up heart. i see flashes of both of you together. there was no anger or hurt. but just a little voice trying it's hardest to push those images away.
My heart is safe from hurt. it will lay dormant until it wakes up for the next round of hurting. you promised me the world, and promised you'd take care of me. but my heart has just fallen asleep. and i don't want to wake it up just yet. so can you just be my illusion, a sweet dream i know i'd wake up from. because i am not prepared to wake my heart up now. despite this i want you to know that i really appreciate everything u've done for me these few weeks. all the presents and promises. but hush, dont wake my heart up.

van 1:41 AM

i need to get started. i have been slacking like there's no tomorrow. it's time to work hard!! (says e procrasinator). lol. well today was a boring day. i didnt do much...woke up late then hung around doing nothing for awhile. oh ya! my parents bought computer appliances. diao haha. my dad bought a new com and another laptop! it's like we have four lappies at home le. -_- (but of course i dont mind la). then the com is quite cool! my mom bought an mp3. it's so much bigger n cooler than my ipod nano. she bought creative zen vision. the 60GB one. i was gaping at her when she told me. it's like 60GB?! u want to put in 15000 songs izzit? haha listen until tmr. it's about 500+ bucks. lol. but my mom looked pretty pleased about it. aiya...my dad willing to splurge on her ma. and my dad want to go buy another plasma to put in his room -_-. i dont think they'd watch lo. *rolls eyes*. and i'm planning to upgradee my bow. then cooked dinner for my sis. my dad n mom had some company dinner to go to. it's like 9.40 at night. i was wondering if i should go running. my shoes are spoilt though. n i need a bottle for archery. n i need a wallet. gaah. time to save up. for now, i'm gonna do push ups n then MUGG!!!
i love wu ke qun onli!! heex...

van 9:38 PM

i hate wet black hairs clumped together

today i went to school to meet eunice and handong to do some presentation. then i went to look for my group mates to do pw. i lurve my pw group. =) i'm gonna miss working with them so much next year. =(. anw, after pw, me and eunice went to e bus stop to take bus go lido watch movie. at the bus stop, i was letting out a sneeze and eunice was leaning on me. so i achoo-ed forward and she lost her balance and we both bang our heads tgt pretty hard. it was painfull. =(. and loud. and eunice was screaming like there was no tmr. then we went to far east to walk around, then went to lido to watch e grudge 2. we bought nachos, shilin chicken, frap, old changkee into e theatre. it was thecinema u and i went to. brought back alot of sweet memories. but somethings if they're not meant to be, they're not meant to be..so must learn to let go. i was laughing throughout e movie but some parts were pretty freaky. i wanted to scare eunice but decided against it. (so nice rite?) then after e movie we decided to walk around n window shop. bought ear sticks and finger sling. whoots. i gonna go real shopping someday with eunice =). yawns. i'm tired. tomorrow still have induction. =). jiayou jiayou jiayou!
i hate black hairs clumped together. they look pukish.

van 12:11 AM

dear diary, have u heard of the sentence "to explain yourself often messes things up more". i guess i shouldnt try to explain myself here anymore. cuz i dont really see the need to ba. i never did anything against my conscience. explain myself so much u wun believe anyway. anw, it's him who shud explain to u, not me.
today was a boring day. halfway thru i started sneezing like there was no tmr. so in e end didnt go for training again =\. but pulled bow at home. today was quite a sian day la. i didnt go out or do anything special. just stayed at home and rotted. watched alot of videos. and thought about alot of stuffs. oh well. and i wanna go out buy stuff!
What i wanna buy:
*-Heels
*-wallet
*-waterbottle
*-handphone
*-earrings
*-ear sticks
*-sport shoes!
*-slippers
*-dvds
*-tops
*-t-shirts
*-jeans
*-skirts
*-shorts
*-bikini
whheeee.. in a gd mood. =) nice porridge. *smirks*

van 5:34 PM