what happened to us?
I feel a sense of pity as i look back at the days where we were such great friends. why is this happening? why the tension? the quarrels? the power struggles? have you guys forgotten how happy we used to be? can things go back to the way they were? before our struggle to compete with each other?i care about each of you, and it pains me to see complete strangers staring back at each other. Our laughter has become false, our smiles have become sinister, our faces have become masks, our hearts have become hypocritical. where is that young innocence we had when we first started? is this growing up or is this growing apart? was it our expectations that soured this friendship? is it time to stop mixing work with personal affairs?
i feel like a mosquito trying to force its way out of the cacoon. half suffocating, half drained. i dont like this feeling of knowing i might lose either of you. i may appear not to care but you know i do. somewhere in that hardened hearts of ours, there is still concern for each other. why can't we dig that out and rekindle that lost warm feeling we used to have? i know there are many things you may not agree with. i admit i'm not the best leader around. but i'm really trying hard now. and i dont want disagreements to be carried further than they should be. it's not worth it. it really isnt.
van 12:38 AM
end of year survey
yesterday was not feeling so good again. =(. anw, thank you to the pple who messaged or called me in the morning to ask me if i was ok. thanks mon, simna, sukmun, ivan kor, weihao, him, wuzhen, val, mr tiew.. yep! thank you people for ur concern. im better now. going to see doctor again tmr =\ grr.today some of the archers had competition so we went to help out. i can tell e juniors were getting quite bored cuz they had nothing much to do. oops. well, im sure all e participants did well =). thanks mr tiew for ur non-stop nagging =P. he was really nice la.. he called me ytd and asked me if i was ok and told me not to go down today if i didnt want to. then he asked me if i was ok so many times today. =D. we have a nice coach. whoo! the food there was good =P. the organising was good too. though it rained halfway, it was overall fun, right? =).
Conversation of the day
Me: i wan to lose weight to 40 kg by new year.
Weihong: There is a quicker way besides being anorexic.
Me: (suspects something mean is going to be said) waad
Weihong: LOok into the mirror everyday.
Me: -_-
Credit to weihong for being a source of entertainment in my blogg =D
the song by take that - patience, is stuck in my head =P. gaah. haha.
stop all the rumours pls
End of year surveyy
1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Ran around planning people’s birthdays
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Not really, I didn’t really keep to 2006 resolutions but yes, I wont give up! I’ll make more!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? nope
4. Did anyone close to you die? Not that close, but it felt painful.
5. What countries did you visit? Japan
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? More determination?
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 12th dec? it’s e date I gave myself another chance to trust, and someone a chance to be trusted
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I got over pretty rough patches throughout this year, and my achievement was that I didn’t give up, thanks to all my friends and family
9. What was your biggest failure? To trust some people too easily
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yeah, some heart thing
11. What was the best thing you bought? My bow! But I still want a new metal bow
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I’m not sure about that! I can’t remember!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? It doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Remember the good things and not the bad.
14. Where did most of your money go? Shopping! Haha, and buying archery stuff. And maybe even food
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going out after promos, and taking the plane to japan with family the other time
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? First love
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
-happier/sadder? Definitely happier, I’ve learnt to look at the simple beautiful things in life.
-thinner or fatter? I seriously don’t know. I bet I swelled up.
-richer or poorer? Poorer!!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Study
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Slack haha
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Hopefully with my friends =)
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? Er.. next
23. How many one-night stands? none
24. What was your favorite TV program? I know this! Grey’s Anatomy!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don’t think I hate anyone =\ but there are people I dun really wish to see la =P
26. What was the best book you read? Cookbook. (that was a joke)
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I have seriously no idea
28. What did you want and get? Trusty friends who stick by me through thick and thin (mon’s gonna stare at me), funny friends who cheer me up all the time, true friends who speak their mind
29. What did you want and not get? A metal bow =(
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Final Destination 3, Scary Movie 4, Prestige…
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 17, haha, normal celebrations?
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I have no idea, I guess humans are greedy, if that thing had been there, there’d still be something missing. Though I feel a trip to Europe would make my year more satisfying
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Variable haha! I wear all sorts of things!
34. What kept you sane? My friends: Monica, Sam, Eunice, Simna, Valerie, Liying, Sukmun, Wuzhen, kor, him, Kaiyun... and so on haha.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? WU KE QUN! (SCREAMS AND YELLS AND SHOUTS)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? HUH? =P
37. Who did you miss? I wonder
38. Who was the best new person you met? Well, all my new j1 friends, archer friends. =)
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: forgive and forget, sometimes, all it takes is a second chance.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: My heart is numb has no feeling, so while I’m still healing, just have a little patience.
van 5:06 PM
the ageing begins
j2 life is catching up with me. i can feel my energy just being sapped away slowly.Studies: the piles of homework is coming. somehow, i do my work so slowly i just feel like screaming at myself. VAN AR! WORK FASTER! and the tests and everything is simply weighing me down.
Archery: this is one thing i do look forward to. no matter how unhappy i am, when i'm at the shooting line, everything just magically disappears. the people there make it all worthwhile too.
Conversation of the Day -
Simna: A miracle doesnt happen twice
Weihong: that's why there is only one of me.
the laughter and joy we all share. it bonds us closer as a team. of course i hope we can be even closer?? =)
Family: they have been pretty understanding, not complaining even if i come home very late. thanks =D love you all.
you: it's been tough. ur super busy with everything and sometimes i'm not understanding enough. but you never held it against me and i can see you did what you could..to meet me, to care for me. and i appreciate it. i really do. thank you for trying so hard and never getting angry haha. =D
mostly, it's me i have to change. i have to stop depending on others to make me happy cuz i control my life..as well as my happiness. i should stop letting my moods get affected by others. =D and i should understand you more? =)
van 11:28 PM
tiring days can be a source of happiness
whooO it's gonna rain. finally. cuz im having this heat rash thing and cool weather will do me good =). anw, ytd was a long but fulfilling day. we had all the tutorials yesterday. i wanted to cry by e time it was e last tutorial, bio. haha but i survived! and after that mon, me n jason went to ij to shoot. new poundage, new anchor point. but it was quite consistent i guess. just tt i needa train up more of my back muscles.after training, mon n i cabbed down to SGH for cip. haha, the girls were kinda moody cuz of wad happened before tt but oh well, it got better. we wheeled the patients around. the auntie i was in charge of was so nice n cute. haha =D. it was quite ok i guess. but alot less compared to when i used to work in TTSH rehab where there was alot of rushing to fetch patients, carry patients, work patients out.
Well it was a fruitful day. must have more of this kind of days. the type of rushing excitement is really fun. haha, now, back to my homework. i'll rush through it with the same type of vigour! whoooO!
miss u
van 1:00 PM
thank you for being by my side
it's nice to know no matter how rough things are going, there'd always be a steady pillar behind me. i didnt go to school ytd, heart issue again. =\. went to see the doc in the morning n got nagged at =O. after that, i came home and slept quite a bit. then dad brought me out at night with my sis to eat. but i went G1 to cut my hair before eating. and it's not because i wanted to see aaron ok? =(. i chopped off my pony. haha ok, there is a pathetic one left... he did e flying cut thing to increase the volume of e hair. (not like mine doesnt already have enuff vol) . i really admire his skills! did i ever tell u i wanted to be a hairdresser? haha, okok, secret revealed. =P. then i bought two bags cuz mine broke. one le coq and e other i dunno wad but DONT BUY E SAME AS ME. =D.recently i have no idea what's gotten into me. all e raw emotions, all the stoning, all e emo-ing. but thanks for always being there n being supportive. no matter how i lash out at you. =) thank you =)
van 3:44 AM
when you tell me that you love me
I wanna call the starsDown from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do
I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth
And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me
I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here
And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me
In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger
And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me
You love me
When you tell me that you love me
Nice nice song =) i love it. i feel it. =) hahaz. mugging late. doing newspaper article now =\. i'm a happie gurl. =D
van 3:22 AM
competition
Friday: today after school, me mon and jason went to sembawang cc for team captains briefing before the competition on saturday. 
the organisers made quite a few changes like halfing the ends and scores and changing it to indoors cuz of the rain. then all three of us went to country manna to have our dinner. mon and jason couldnt stop laughing. and all of us played some lame staring game. mon always burst into laughter when she stared at jason. i always burst into laughter when i stare at mon. but i won jason! haha!
then after that went to kranji to meet someone. had a fun time overall. happy one month
Saturday: today was our competition date. i felt more relaxed than in the previous competition and i'm proud to say i didnt repeat my past mistakes. my lane people were really frenly and felt very relaxed around them (though they kept laughing at me cuz i'm kinda slow in adding up the scores and i still insist im fast =P) the boys were quite bored becuz the competition was in the afternoon for the guys and it was pushed back two hours.
although my score wasnt very good cuz i couldnt see where my arrows were flying to, i was more or less happy with my mental that day. =). then after the competition, me mon n simna went to have our dinner and went home.
van 12:50 PM
wounds
Had trainings the past few days. simna's conversation with weihong. Phone rings
Simna: So what did your mom say
Weihong: my mom called to tell me i'm hot and sexay
Pauses
Weihong: no la, that's my fan club
Simna: tell me more about your fan club
Weihong: it's full (in a lazy voice)
My conversation with wh n mon..
Me: Whoa! yellow!
wh: Must be the arrows that touched my head (cuz simna scratched his hair with my arrows the other time)
Me: yea right! it's me lo.
Mon: nono! cuz when u release, the white flakes blind u then u cant see target paper. tts why more accurate.
wh: WHAT WHITE FLAKES! I DONT HAVE WHITE FLAKES ON MY HAIR OK! (indignant voice)
Note: my blog is NOT about scandals. it is about me, my life and my thoughts. and to those pple who are not my direct friends, remember you came here cuz ur free n wan to randomly blogread. not because you want to spread untrue rumours about me. If the rumours are true, i have nothing to say. if they are not, and ur just doing it to sow discord, then i suggest u stop it, cuz it's not going to work. we have too much trust for each other.
van 9:43 PM
a whole new me
Friday: we had cca open house today. more or less ok...i was really tired. then when we were carrying back the tables, simna had to keep pushing up her specs cuz they were slipping off. so we had to keep stopping. then some canoeists who were there took pity on us and volunteered to help. but stubborn me and simna insisted we were fine and trudged on. thanks anw, to the few canoeists. dun really know ur names so cant credit u here =). then we had a meeting in the armoury about upcoming invitational. whoO. can't wait. =D. and the guys (weihong, hanqiang, fred) kept running away from me cuz they insisted i had syphillis + gonorrea + aids cuz i think i'm allergic to sandflies and the sandfly bites swelled up pretty badly. to get back at weihong, i fed him banana cake...with dirty hands. HAHAHAHA SHHHH.Saturday: training was quite fun. we had mental training at school in the morning and watched some inspirational video called ping pong. it was not bad. the main character was reall funny. then we headed to ij to shoot. had our packed lunch there and then did abit of mental. mr tiew told us to picture a place where we'd feel safe and warm and protected. well i wont tell anyone where it is (it could be my toilet for all u know haha =P) then we started shooting. SIMNA TEO I WILL NEVER FORGIVE U FOR SCRATCHING WEIHONG'S HEAD WITH MY ARROW. it was okay la, e training, considering i just switched my form. there's an upcoming competition next saturday and sunday. i went home after training at about five plus, took a shower and then went out for dinner with my parents. we ate chilli crab, prawn paste chicken, vegetables and drank some wintermelon soup. YUM YUM. then i came home. fred had this long long talk with me tt i unfortunately didnt survive through. info overload can? but what i can say is tt it was really motivating. although half the time i felt demoralised but it really helped i guess. now i'm clearer about wad i have to do for the upcoming year. and oh yes, about your speech. it was your shortest one ever. haha. but really, thank you. you have been one of the best seniors. and although i always say u cant stop nagging and pretend to be angry at u, i never was. i've always admired and looked up to you. i'll use u as an example and work hard this year. =) you've also said i should balance and juggle between friends, family, results, archery and boyfren and tt a lack of time spent on any one of them may cause some problems. wo zhi dao le. =)
new year, new goals, new hopes, new me
van 1:34 PM
another disgustingly happy entry =)
i get wad suk mun means. i'll always come here with half a mind to write something angry, but then suddenly the other half a mind wins the battle and i'd write something disgustingly happy. it's disgusting. seriously. Oh well, new year resolutions coming up! *grins stupidly*New year resolutions:
1. Don't be late for any trainings (or school that is)
2. Finish all tutorials once teacher almost finishes teaching e chapter
3. Mug mug mug mug!
4. Love my family moree!
5. Spend more time with my family
6. go for optional trainings on sunday
7. enforce rules properly for archery
8. Watch less television
9. Read more newspapers haha
10. stop arguing with you for silly reasons.. lol
11. not to get angry so easily
12. love you more =)
13. SMILE
14. Try not to miss a single day of school
15. Love my frens (all except val HAHAHAH)
16. Go for consultations
17. dedicate more time to GOD
I'll add on more as i go on. as for now, i'll sign off! *waves*
smilingg...
van 12:25 AM
when the world disappears there'd still be u n mi
today my computer decided to be a little laggy. i finished typing one sentence, and when i start on the next, the previous sentence finally appears. bleah. but since my computer has been so loyal to me for a long time, i decided to let it be laggy for today. =) anyways, first day was not that bad after all. met a few new teachers like mr. derrick lee (my civics tutor, aka jason's uncle), and mr daniel wong (my econs tutor). i have quite a bit of motivation to start this year afresh and mug hard. hope it's not something that will eventually die down. haha =). just drank yakult..haha i'm happy =D. oh yes, today is my father's birthday. went home for his birthday dinner after training today. Yep and the new batch of rvians took up 2 and a half pages. i saw jan's yuping cindy and tiffany's names. yipee! welcome to njc (secretly wonders why u guys wanted to come here heex) KIDDING.if only anna and roujun came in or something. then ur trombone section quite good le. first is the seniors, then xinran weiran, then jo and nicholas,then anna roujun yuping. wont that be cool! it's amazing when you make me feel so safe and warm, as if the whole world has disappeared, as if the world no longer mattered. and what's left is just me and you. i know deep in my heart, no one can tear us apart. no matter what they do behind our backs, how they try to speculate or sow discord. because you and i know we'll tide through this. just you and me.
lovingg youu
van 1:31 AM
2006 - a year of colours
goodbye 2006 hello 2007. according to suk mun's blog, she described it as a year of regrets. what IS 2006 to me? when i think of 2006, all the memories start flooding me. the happiness, sadness, hurt, joy...2006 is like a fairytale. bittersweet memories. the year ended smoothly, i can say. sweetly.2006 has been a year of colours for me. bright, dull, blinding, soothing. every second is like a jigsaw puzzle, fitting perfectly together but are individual pieces on their own. perfect contradiction. the start of 2006 had been exciting, the new year held so many promises for me. i had been looking forward to the freshness of everything. SAJC was definitely fun, the frens, the laughter, the tears, the prayers. part of me wishes i never left there. SAJC was the brightly coloured part of my year. it's the bright cheery yellow of my year, the dancing sun with its joyous rays.
when i first came to njc, it was the bleak period. everything seemed so grey (figuratively n literally). i was upset, and i regretted leaving sajc for njc. then i got to know my frens in my class, life became vibrant shades of blue and orange. the jokes and riddles, the food and the talks. then i met you, everything became a deep red, the colour of a fresh rose. the love u showered on me, made me wanna believe in everything u said. then u left, life became black and dirty green. plus the arrival of promos, made my life dull and tedious. but of course, there were occasional happy moments like studying with simna which really brightened my day. the long walks along s'pore river after a mugging session. life was blotchy. but fulfilling. you were slowly fading from my mind. and after promos, everythingstarted falling into place. the rainbow started forming again. and you, you're part of it. everyone is. the good, the bad, the nice, the not-so-nice. 2006 was a year of colours, unforgettable and unfathomable.
now there's my friends, my homework, my archery, and you. there IS a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. believe in that and everything will turn out fine. just like it did in 2006.
As for resolutions, i'll post it on another entry? take care people. here's a photo of a rainbow i took today. =) my 2006
van 11:32 PM
