letting go of the past
I'm actually quite looking forward to going over to Melbourne and starting anew. yes, there are definitely people I don't want to leave behind. but I'm glad I'm going over. Because there are certain unhappy feelings I just want to leave behind :) I never knew how to hate. I never hated anyone in my whole life. I'm tired of helping people who disappoint me or hurt me or people who insult me, to find excuses for why they did what they did. So i'm just gonna let everything go :) And I need a new lease of life, a new place, a new community of friends (of course nothing replaces the old). I just want to breathe the fresh air again and be happy. I want to find the independent strong Vanessa again :) Of course, i know my boyfriend will always be behind me, supporting me all the way. :) :)I'll be heading to Batam with my close friends for a trip :) and I know we'll enjoy ourselves. Thank you guys for wanting to go for a trip together before I leave. :) yepyep :) :)
There are instances in the previous years, where I know my immaturity has hurt people, in one way or another. Perhaps I have been too childish and spoilt. And I'm glad some of them willingly, or unwillingly forgave me. Sometimes, even if it wasn't entirely my fault, I knew I had a part to play and I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused. All the tears my existance might have caused.
I know out of the people whom I have unknowingly hurt, I know at least two of them are reading my blog up till today. And I just want to say I'm sorry. For everything I have done. Perhaps sorry won't change anything, or make up for anything. yep. But i'll say it anyway :)
For this particular person. I have never said I'm sorry to you. And I really really mean it. I never thought what it would have been like for you. And I know you had to struggle to overcome it on your own. And i'm truly sorry.
Yep. blame it on my self reflective mood. I just want to let everything go. :) You are right, forgive and forget. But in order to forgive and forget, i have to take the first step. No matter what humiliation or retaliation comes along, I know i have let go :)
van 6:58 PM
Happy birthday Granny! :) We celebrated my grandmom's birthday yesterday :) It was quite fun catching up with my cousins and aunties and uncles and of course, being tortured by my two young niece and nephew. they started pulling my hair really hard and tying my hair with my sister's hair. then they'd squeal when i went after them. so cute. :) :) i love my niece and nephew. Saw my baby niece and baby nephew today too! uber cute!! :) :)
I met my boyfriend after my grandmom's birthday celebration. he had just finished watching a concert which his ex piano teacher was performing in. Too bad I couldn't make it to the concert because of grandmama's birthday. I would've like to see who was the suay one who had to teach my bf until he graduated from grade 8 piano. :P KIDDING...
There were no nice movies on and we just wanted to really sit down and chat. So we sat at the food court at Cine drinking bubble tea for a while until the place was closing.
My hair is super messy because the kids were still pulling away at my hair in the car before I met my darling...
Then we sat 174 and headed to Chun Tin to eat roti prata. :) we ate Masala with Naan and shared a milo dinosaur. And we talked until about 2am. Then he sent me home and waited for me to wash up. he tucked me into bed before going home at about 3 am. :) Even after reaching home, he washed up and we continued talking on the phone because i couldn't sleep. :) I only fell asleep at 5am. thanks darling for spending time with me:)
yupyup. :) mon's back in indo again! :( So i reckon I'd do my side of the packing first...might be going redang or batam with the girls. hopefully!!!! nothing's confirmed but really hope so and am looking forward to it :)
One more thing! (this is the edited part) I'm really really excited about going over melbourne now! I guess it's because there are lots of things that are more or less settled now. like me and him :) He's been very supportive and understanding about me going over and has been really really sweet when i start getting moody about going over and leaving people behind.
But honestly, i'm really looking forward to all the independent living and I know I can take care of myself and manage my finances. (HAHA, JO, I KNOW HOW TO MANAGE MY FINANCES LEHH) And what I really know is that we would still be able to be sweet on each other even when we're miles apart. and although we'd have our own individual lives, I believe that we'll last through all these because I have his support and he has mine. :)
Yep, so some of our long talks have bloomed into this conclusion. I know he wont be able to send me off on that day itself because he has army (my family wants to go on a weekday). But I know his heart is with me! (oh sorry!! too mushy le). yups.. and thank you to "anon" for your message, though i really have no idea who you are!! yups!
Going expo with my dearest simna tmr!! will be fun!! (:
van 3:43 PM
So i had a long long weekend :) My sis and I baked a cake last week. it was a chocolate marshmallow cake and it tasted pretty nice for a first time baking. (i can cook normal dishes like fish, meat, vegetables and soup but this was my first time making dessert). Even my boyfriend who came over to my house and ate the leftovers said it was very nice :) :) :) he was close to licking the pan clean. :P My boyfriend booked out on Sunday so I had quite alot of time to myself. Warning: Extra long entry ahead...
Friday
I went out with my sister to many many places on Friday. Haha, first we stopped by my old working place to get my long overdue paycheque. Apparently, another lawyer wants me to work with him but I guess because of some personal reasons, i'd better reject this offer. :) After collecting my pay at Clarke Quay, my sister and i headed to vivo city to get our mom's birthday present earlier. We got a very pretty pearl necklace for her :) :) Although it was pretty ex but it was worth it.
We headed to marina square after that and I bought a top from topshop as well as a pair of havainnas from new urban male.My dear sis and I had dessert at MOF before my meeting with monica.
Monica was late as usual..hahaha. I had to entertain myself while waiting for her. I met her at raffles city and we walked around marina square yet again. Planning to get this very chio coat from Zara. :) We ate Chippy's. I had cheese sausage while she had beer battered fish. We saw Mr Tong. He looked like he wanted to talk to us but he was on the phone so he kept walking to and fro in front of us :P.
Monica was late as usual..hahaha. I had to entertain myself while waiting for her. I met her at raffles city and we walked around marina square yet again. Planning to get this very chio coat from Zara. :) We ate Chippy's. I had cheese sausage while she had beer battered fish. We saw Mr Tong. He looked like he wanted to talk to us but he was on the phone so he kept walking to and fro in front of us :P.
Saturday
We met my dad colleague's family for dinner and then my sis and I stayed at their house to play with the kids while the adults went out. The little girl was really cute. She played pretend with us and we had to act as her patients while she "amputated" our arms and legs and "bandaged" us up. Haha. It was really entertaining. We went home at about 11pm.
Sunday
In the morning I went to celebrate my nephew's first month! :) He is so super cute. :) :) Although i already was an auntie very long ago but it's so so nice to see my cousins starting their own families :)
My auntie feeding her dear grandson :)
Yumyum :)
Hillard baby is soo cute :) and he's so tiny hahaha.
In the evening, i went to visit my paternal grandparents but they were already sleeping when we reached there so we played with my four month old niece. She was so super cute too! she kept grabbing my phone because of the chains i hung at my phone. When i wanted to take my phone back, she started making alot of noise so i allowed her to throw my phone around. (poor phone)
Her eyes are HUGE!!
I met my boyfriend pretty late at night in town. We wanted to watch a movie but decided against it. Instead, we headed back to my house and he drank the tonic soup i boiled for him (i boiled it for 8 hours!!) That was when he koped the cake from my fridge and ate it. It was supposed to be a surprise for his birthday. haha oh well, i have lots more surprises. He stayed over at my house that night. :)
Monday
Monday was Vesak Day so it was a holiday for him. We woke up at about 9 plus and went to King Albert Park Macdonald's near my house. He tried the new McGriddles and i ate hotcakes with sausage. After that, his mom came to pick him up. She gave me a lift to my block. (At first she thought i was following them to choose furniture). I met my dearest friends at about 2 plus at far east. We walked around for a while then went to Isetan at Shaw Centre and bought a Guess wallet for Qiyuan's birthday.
After that, we went to Chinatown for FISH SPA! It's just basically putting the feet into water with fishes in it and the fishes would nibble up the dead skin. It was quite an experience. Following that, we headed to the market to have our dinner and we talked and slacked around until about 9 plus.
We walked to the MRT station and I took a train to Bedok. Waited patiently for my boyfriend to shower and get dressed and walk to the station. We went to city hall after that. Walked around and settled for Singapore River. We sat there and talked for a very long time. Talked about alot of things :) It felt nice :) We walked to Bugis after that and we went to 7-11 to buy some snacks. After that, he gave me a very lovely surprise which i shall not disclose on public blog. yep. i felt very very touched. We spent time together all the way until my appointment with OAL the next day at 10 am.
Tuesday
He waited for me until my appointment was over and then we took a bus to my house to change and bathe. After a nice shower, we headed to Chinatown and then Little India to walk around. :) He spent time with me until dinner time because he had to head home to study for his PSC scholarship interview the next day. I heard PSC is a very prestigous scholarship :) Yep..i didnt allow him to send me home because it was already very late and he had little time to read up.
He's booking in tonight but im most probably not meeting him because he has to go tekong in the morning. One of his section mates dropped something there during the field camp. After that he has his PSC interview and then finally his book in. But I'll see him on Saturday! :)
I'm glad that he always sacrifices so much to spend time with me. I'm really touched that he does that. He gave up his section dinner too and he's really tired but he still wants to see me. :S But I shall set a rule. Shorter dates next time. :P
Anyway, my previous accomodation was facing a very large cemetery. So Monica's mom was not very fang xin. So we have a new accomodation now! It's very chio and it's a brand new building. But it's a little more expensive. About AUD$1056 a month. And me and Monica are no longer sharing an apartment but we'll be next door neighbours instead. Is that cool or what haha!
pictures courtesy of http://www.s-h-a.com.au/
okie. long entry ended.
van 4:30 AM
vanx says:
but honestly i abit scared of going there
vanx says:
im afraid i'll be very lonely
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
hahaha
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
i gt some ex classmates there!
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
i can intro u to em
vanx says:
hahaha i know alot of people there alr
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
LOL
vanx says:
but it's no use
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
then gd mah!
vanx says:
hahaha i want people like simna and you and my smelly boyfriend
vanx says:
people i can really open up to
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
yea i understand wad u mean la
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
but juz let u know tt we're always here
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
not gonna go anywhere (:
vanx says:
:)
vanx says:
thanks naraen
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
haha no prob van
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
i dunno abt hu ever else la bt i assure u if u need to tlk to me or anything i'm always here
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
so dun worry k?
-=[ N . N ]=- says:
(:
So sweet :) Thanks Naraen :) And also thank you to Shaun and Edmund for emailing me and talking to me on MSN from Melbourne to ensure that I have enough information about the place and the course because they are currently taking the course. Thank you Pastor Lu for introducing your niece who studied vet in Melbourne uni and for telling me to turn to your son and his wife who are living there. Thank you Fei fei yi (auntie) for introducing your friend who lives in Melbourne. Thank you Auntie Pauline for giving me the contacts of your choir friends who are currently there. And so many more people who went out of the way to make sure that I was going to be safe and well taken care of there. :)
The honest truth is I'm still a little apprehensive about going over. I just don't really feel ready to put everything down here and go over for 4 or 5 years.
My family - I'm not ready to leave because I'm afraid that my mom won't take good care of her health without me nagging at her. I'm afraid that she doesn't want to go for routine check ups and everything. I'm afraid that daddy gets too tired, and I'm afraid my daddy gets really worried about how I am and everything because i'm really his "little princess". And I'll really miss my sister like crazy. Although she's going to Monash next year which is about a few hours from city centre, i'm going to miss her so bad.
My boyfriend - I don't think I have to elaborate on this. Haha, a long distance relationship isn't easy to maintain. It's not impossible but it's not easy. And during JC, we were hardly apart. When he went to NS, i slowly got used to not seeing him for weeks. But I have not tried months. I'm not sure how it'd be like. I know i'll try my very best to be strong and positive. I know that we will both be truthful about our feelings and we will stay loyal to one another.
I random-ed a girl's blog just now and read about her long distance relationship with her boyfriend. The reason why they were still hanging on was because they had been together for 3 years. I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to regret saying yes because distance finally becomes a burden to two people. I know we both feel that this relationship is worth working out but do I really want no one to be physically beside him when he goes through tough times? I don't know. I'm really very confused right now. but all i know is that he's really strong and i know he wants it. I want it too. so we'll be fine. im sure we will.
My friends - I hate to say this but I would probably never find good and close friends like nalan, jo, simna, qiyuan, naraen, cheryl, wuzhen, val, liying, sukmun, kaiyun, eunice... perhaps I would find friends, but it'll always be different. And I know I'm so blessed that my very very close friend is going with me. And I would worry about my friends here. About whether they were going through a rough patch, about whether they were happy, about whether they were having quarrels, about whether they were out of love...i'm especially worried about one friend. I honestly can't bear to leave her behind but I know she can turn to her other friends :) (i hope she doesnt burst into tears when she sees this lol)
My soft toys - I can't bring all of them over. In fact, i can't even bring all of what my bf gave me. :S I'll be trying to bring as many as I can though. HAHAHAHAH. so childish.
My house - MY BED!! if only i could ship my bed over :(
Bottom note. I know i can't bear to leave alot of things behind but that's life. I have to be strong. So for all of you whose boyfriends are in camp, you guys are really lucky because you still get to see them almost every week. I probably wont get to see my boyfriend when I get over there for about 5 months. And im going to be strong about it. So you guys should be strong for your NS men too. NS is something every guy has to go through and after a few months, you'd realise there's nothing much to complain about anymore.
I have honestly been a bit frustrated recently because i've been thinking about going overseas. I think that it's going to be a very enriching experience and Vet Science has been what i have been wanting to do. It's my passion and my goal. But i know i have to be strong and independent where im going. I can't be as emotional as before anymore and I can't make my parents worry about me. I have to fit in to the environment, endure cold windy winters (but no snow), make new friends, study hard, look after myself when im sick, cook and wash and pack myself, buy groceries myself, pay my own utility bills, have the discipline to study hard and i have to get over missing my friends, my parents and my big sweet boyfriend...and patriotically speaking, missing Singapore and its hot humid weather. missing orchard and city hall and clarke quay and bukit timah...hahaha but it was my choice.
I might complain in this blog when I get there. Haha. But I'm going to teach myself to take everything in my stride and be strong for myself and all those I love. To go out there and lead a life even when I have to get through missing so many people. Jiayou, Van :)
van 12:11 AM
Simna and I bought a cake with three big candles and eight small ones because we were celebrating qiyuan and cheryl's birthdays. We went to earle swensens to celebrate their birthdays. Unfortunately, the birthday girls had work the next day and couldn't stay overnight with us.
Yes and we couldn't finish writing the cards so we had to hide behind the big menus to write the cards for the birthday girls.
cheryl going home :(
So me, nalan, jo and simna went to clarke quay for a long drink at coffee club because tcc was too crowded. We stayed till dawn chatting non stop and i went home at 5 plus in the morning. i love long chats with them :)
Today, we celebrated mommy's day by going to the Akashi Grill restaurant at Orchard Parade Hotel. I found out it's real name. It's known as Inakaya. We booked three seats a few days before because they only take advanced bookings. It was really fun and mom was really excited because she loved the food there. The must-try foods are the grilled pork belly, beef, sweet corn and chicken with egg. Melts in your mouth!! Haha. Although the dinner costs $410 but it was really worth it cuz it made my mommy's day :)
Chicken with the special sauce and egg yolk. you have to break the egg yolk and mix it with the sauce then dip the chicken in. it's super nice!!! they brought food to us using these huge oars. hahaha. and it was really authentic :)
Yep!! unfortunately, my dad couldn't come with us because he's in czech right now :( i miss my dad!!! hahaha okayy, signing off! :) i bought a cool book and i'm gonna read it right now so, see ya! :)
Yep!! unfortunately, my dad couldn't come with us because he's in czech right now :( i miss my dad!!! hahaha okayy, signing off! :) i bought a cool book and i'm gonna read it right now so, see ya! :)
van 10:14 PM
Actually, everyone spoils me except my mom. hahaha. she's the disciplinarian when i was young. My dad, my sis and boyfriend spoil me silly!! lol :S 
Yep we ate fried rice, two bowls of yummy chicken soup, xiao long bao and chicken :) :)
And for those who noticed, YES. I snipped off my fringe!! :) :) :) We walked around wisma but nothing caught my eye. :( it's a bad shopping day cuz after a while, i didnt feel like shopping anymore :( :( so we went to lido for gelato at gelatissimo :) :) me and sis shared a cup with two scoops :)
gelato. Dont be disgusting. i KNOW wad it looks like...
We went to lido to watch movie cuz we were lazy to walk over to cine. we watched Nim's Island. it was quite okay but i would say a disappointment measured against my expectations...We went Cream to eat yet again :) :)
Nice sandwich!! but i was lazy to rotate the pic...
curry! 
I was really bored when my sister was on the phone
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Oreo cheesecake!!
Yep. that concludes a long day. we went home early (about 10) because daddy was flying off to switzerland again :( i have to do my shopping some other day...:(
I miss my big, strong, smelly, camo-creamed boyfriend :( :( LOL. wad a description!!
van 11:17 PM
